Top 10: Hilarious Anti-Terrorism Gadgets & Overkills
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The terrorist threat is real and it’s about time our leaders got real as well. Listed here are some funny, and scary ways that the government and a few unscrupulous individuals are taking advantage of public fear. To ferret out these people and to give you the much needed seed of doubt in government to maintain a Democracy we bring you ten anti-terrorism fails.
10. The Biohazard Suit with Built-In Toilet
Recently a patent was filed for a chemical safety suit with a toilet installed on the inside. I know me and I know military food. I also know the two don’t go together.
Let’s suppose that there are others like me fighting terrorism all over the world and they eat some hotdogs just before an attack…. If I had the choice between mustard gas and my own brand of noxious fume- I’d go with the mustard gas. I’d wear one of these suits is they came issued with Beano tablets.
U.S. Patent 6920646, Human waste management suit, by Caleb Clark Crye, Gregg M. Thompson, and Eric Owen Fehlberg. Issued Jul 26, 2005.
9. The Evolution of Military Robotics – BigDog
Created in 2005, by NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory along with the Harvard University Concord Field Station and Boston Dynamics with Foster-Miller, BigDog has become a viral phenomenon on YouTube leaving tech geeks gasping for air. Able to cross difficult terrain and adapt to new movement the built-in computer technology has, according to many, given birth to the very first artificial intelligence.
If BigDog is to be engaged in the war against terrorism has yet to be disclosed. I can however, just picture this noisy and wobbling rascal climbing the rocky terrain of Afghanistan.
see video of Americas new favorite pet here.
8. The Full Body Scanner
Currently being tested in airports all over the country, the full body scanner, unlike its predecessors, is equipped with x-ray vision that sees through all kinds of fabric and material, to leave little left to your imagination.
Rumors are now also reporting an increase in the risk of getting getting cancer if stepping in one of these devices.
7. The Counter Terrorism Gift Shop
In the nested network of US government initiatives and groups, from Homeland Security to Counter Terrorism, it took us a while to find its supply room. TSWG (Technical Support Working Group) is on basement level of the Combating Terrorism Technical Support Office (CTTSO) and produces all kinds of juicy weaponry and gadgets.
6. Airplane Sleeping Gas System
If terrorists are trying to break in the cockpit door of an airplane, what do you do? Easy, just gas ‘em and everybody else on board for that matter. With all passengers sound asleep, the pilot can safely land the place. It might be only me, but gasing a whole commercial flight full of passengers, seems a bit harsh. But then again, who doesn’t mind getting a good flight’s sleep?
U.S. Patent 6499693, Aircraft to respond to threats, by Ariel S. Rogson. Issued Dec 31, 2002.
5. CELL – The Center of Living and Learning’s Anti – Terrorist Videos
The Colorado State Anti-Terrorist video. This is an 8-minute PSA that involves making sure terrorists don’t buy Best Buy cards or go to tourist attractions. Seriously, if the guys were in the video even the government could catch them. The most amusing thing about the video is that it’s narrated by John Elway, all patriotic and sober.
4. Brain Screening Technology Presents the Universal Soldier
The idea is that the human visual recognition system- how we recognize things we see and classify them, called Visual Intelligence, is still way faster than computers.
So scientists working for the Defense Department want to tap into the soldier’s brains and interface their melons with weapons systems.
Not only could they then in effect “read the soldier’s minds” but I’m thinking eventually gain some sort of control. Sound farfetched and crazy? You say that until Jean-Claude Van Damm and Dolph Lungren are tearing up your barn.
Read more at Wired.
3. The Explosion Containment Net
The idea behind the explosive containment net is to fire a net over a terrorist who has explosives attached to his body. The net would enclose the guy and when he explodes prevent anyone else from getting hurt. How you get a net that strong is beyond me, but I have an idea. I saw an episode of the Super Friends once where Aqua-man had a net like this, obviously someone else did too.
U.S. Patent 6854374, Explosion containment net, by O. Alan Breazeale. Issued Feb 15, 2005.
2. Air Launch Running Gear Entanglement System
The need for anti-terrorist tech is definitely legit, I admit that. It’s the application of some of this technology that bothers me. The British government has launched an new initiative to fight terrorism. One particularly intriguing gadget in the collection is the Air Launch Running Gear Entanglement System.
An air gun to stop boats loaded with explosives from striking large freighters and military ships.
If the gun doesn’t work at least the terrorist’s hair will be dry…
see BBC video here.
1. Confession by Form
Who the hell checks “yes?” Shouldn’t we change these forms or at least add a “If you plan on killing our citizens, please check one of the following boxes…” question to the form? Maybe. If we’re going to be stupid about it, can we at least be 2010 stupid instead of 1950 stupid?
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That is funny 2000!
No. 3 looks like something Al Jaffee would have drawn for Mad Magazine.
You’re right… minus the spy vs. spy cool hats