10. The Texas 7

Using the old tried but true “look there!… KONK” method of escape these seven men made good their escape from a Texas county jail sending the local people and the media scrambling. All of them were recaptured within 4 months.

What’s worst than being recaptured and taken off to prison? Being #10 on our list… bet they REALLY wish they had gotten away now!

9. Colditz POW Camp

This imposing prison perched atop a cliff with raging water on one side and basically only one way in and out (and it was covered by machine guns) was touted as being inescapable by the Nazis. Obviously French Lieutenant Alain Le Ray wasn’t convinced.

He escaped on April 11, 1941. He hid out during a game of football; that’s soccer to you Yanks. When everyone else was going back to their cells, Lt. Le Ray was doing what the French do best: getting away.

8. Escape from Stalag 13

Made famous by the movie The Great Escape and immortalized in the hit 1960’s series Hogan’s Heroes The escape from Stalag Luft III was an amazing, if somewhat futile feat. The plan?

Escape through three hand-dug secret tunnels named “Tom”, “Dick” and “Harry”. Of the 76 men who attempted this mass exodus only three actually made it to freedom. Fifty were killed after the escape and the rest were returned to camp.

7. Dieter Dengler’s Jungle Escape

USN Pilot Dieter Dengler escaped from a Viet Nam POW camp when he and six other prisoners overpowered the guards and made their way into the jungle.

Dieter, who was known for excelling in the Navy’s SEER training course (Survival Escape Evasion and Resistance) made his way to “friendly lines” in 23 days.

6. Lucien Rivard

In 1965 Rivard scales a Montreal prison wall using a garden hose. He then disappeared, kind of. For several months police and various agencies tried to track down this elusive criminal.

Rivard in the meantime thumbed his nose at those who were trying to apprehend him, going so far as to even write a letter to the Priminister of Canada stating, “Life is short, you know. I don’t intend to be in jail for the rest of my life.”

5. The Maze

Considered by some to be escape proof, the Maze was designed to be one of the toughest prisons in Europe. With it’s imposing 15 foot walls and deadly security, it might well have been. What they did not take into account was the dedication and out of box thinking of the IRA.

Using weapons smuggled in (“ohhh look, it’s a MaAC-10 in me Lucky Charms”) to the cell blocks most of the guards were taken hostage before they could raise the alarm. A mere five minute miscalculation in timing led to only 35 prisoners escaping.

4. John Dillinger

This notorious gangster once escpaed from an “inescapeable” county jail using a wittled woodn gun covered in black shoe polish.

Once news spread of this daring escape, enrollment in state woodshop programs tripled over night.

3. Truck Break

In 2009 one prisoner hung back just enough to get behind prison guards and crawl under a truck. He then rode to freedom and turned himself back in a couple of days later.

Why go through all of that trouble if you are just going to turn yourself in? It is my theory that he must have left the faucet on at home. A water bill after a 10-20 year stretch would be expensive to say the least.

2. Helicopter Escape

What do you do when two previous escape attempts using a helicopter fail? Try, try again I always say.

And so does Pascal Payet, who with three other prisoners hijacked a helicopter and flew it to freedom. The four not been heard from since.

1. The Great Escape from Alcatraz

After making dummies of themselves to fool guards during night checks three prisoners made their way through air ducts dragging with them homemade rafts which they then put into the water and used to get a few miles to shore.

Frank Morris, John Anglin and Clarence Anglin were presumed drown, but no proof was ever put forward either way. The FBI still has them on the wanted list today, just in case.

10. You Spin Me Right Round Baby..

This guy… where do we start? Okay, he shops at JCP’s which we all know is the “badboy” shop. He looks like he’s selling sex, to which gender it is unknown… and are those women’s clothing in the background?

9. Chicken-Man

Cruisin’ the streets and keeping Douchebagvillefieldton safe from normal people, Chicken-Man in his Bucketmobile is out on patrol. I’m willing to be $100 this idiot borrowed the car from his parents. HEY! Isn’t this the same guy as before? Maybe. All douchebags look pretty much alike to me…

8. Photographic Evidence…

.. that even if you do wear Elvis sunglasses and look like a huge weird assed Vegas poster, for $1,000 a night you can STILL hire an escort.

7. Couples-Bag

Here is a picture of two couples. The question is: are they two gay couples or is there just a developing bromance going on here? My vote says it doesn’t matter; DOUCHEBAGS!

6. The Hebrew Hammer Wannabe!

Dude, you totally are so not cool! Okay first off there’s the ‘Welcome Back Cotter” hair. The openshirt and probably didn’t-have-to-shave chest, and the “come hither” eyes that beckon to pedophiles the world over. In the background left is his 5th grade picture, framed by grandma and put on the wall making a perfect “Before Douchebag/After Douchebag” example.

5. Snap Into A Slim Jim

Does it matter that this guy is muscled up when he only weighs 76 lbs? Probably not. It is the height of douchebaggery to not realize you’re still a weanie no matter how many reps you do. Someone get me some sand to kick in the asshole’s face….

4. Redneck Douche

This guy is obviously hammered. Perhaps he took a day off from picking up roadkill to spend it by the bay with a couple of obviously drunk models with Daddy issues? Or maybe this is just an attempt by a Vodka company to lead douches everywhere to believe that with a couple of hundred dollars and the right beverage, you too can get strippers.

3. Mr. Deeds

I KNOW I made one vague “Mr. Deeds” reference earlier and to Mr. Sandler I apologize. But even Adam Sandler has to admit that the guy in the middle of this picture just screams “I like Feet…I dunno why, but I like them.” Am I right?

2. Jr. High Douchebags

These guys are the new Flock of Seagulls- no doubt about it. Either this was taken in Europe or the bouncer at this club liked little boys. Okay, fellas? If a GIRL teases her hair and puts on make-up to look older for the club it has a chance of success. When a guy does it he’s a douchebag. (Is that guy on the left grabbing his junk?)

1. Scarey

“Ja, dos ist mein bay-bee in hera belly. Ja, she hast taken mein seed into her. Ja!” Still that is one huge assed, steriod driven bag of homo-erotic denial right there. Nice Van Damm sweater…. jerk.

10. I am Omega

In I am Legend Will Smith battled man-made zombie-vampires all alone (mostly) in New York City. In I am Omega the plot is the same. How could someone get away with this? Well Hollywood has exclusive rights and “not so exclusive rights”. The Mockbuster is an adaptation of the the same book. How close are the two movies? Close enough to keep me in stitches.

9.  100 Million BC

The title and cover implies a version of 10,000 BC but the similarity ends there. This film borrows from several other films in that there is some time travel and lots of dinosaurs. I don’t recall dinos being a factor in the 10,000 movie. Hmmm. Well the producers had a plan to make this movie better; it’s not 10,000 it’s 100 MILLION…. everyone knows 100 million is a lot more than 10,000…

8. Snakes on a Train

The title rhymes with Snakes on a Plane but really once you get past the strikingly similar box and into the meat of things, the stories are completely different.  As lame as the blockbuster was I failed to see how the mock version could do any worse. Actually, it didn’t do too bad.

7. Dragon

Yeah, it’s a dragon movie. I love dragon movies. This one? Well, it’s a dragon movie, and I refuse to say anything negative. The release date of this straight to video movie was the same week as Eragon. Go figure. Is this an actual Mockbuster? Well, that one is up for debate! However, it is a dragon movie… did I mention that?

6.  The DiVinci Treasure

Do you even need me to tell you which movie this one is ripping off? I should hope not! The interesting thing is that mock version stars  C. Thomas Howell and Lance Hendrickson, two legit actors, why wouldn’t it be good? It’s not. While normally these movies really crack me up with the thin stories and bad acting, this one just left me sad. So sad I went right back out and rented Soulman.

5. Exorcism: The Blah Blah Blah of Blah

Yeah, no one even bothers to try to change the big lettering. What cracks me up is the house in the background of the mockfilm; are they conjuring images of the Amityville Horror? I think so, you decide.

4. Monster

Yeah, this one is a direct ripoff of Cloverfield. Here I go causing some fat kid in Iowa to freak out and leave a comment, but Cloverfield sucked! You heard me, I said it. I fail to see how the Mockbuster could be any better. After viewing it, I saw not a whole lot of difference, in fact the cinematography might even be better. Oh and F.Y.I. “uncensored” means they couldn’t afford annother editor after paying for the camcorder rental….

3. Transmorphers

Okay I didn’t rent this rip off of Transformers, I’ll admit it. Why? Without Megan Fox there was not a single reason I could think of to watch it. The original was so brilliant that I could see absolutely no way a low budget movie could ever keep up. But mostly it was because there was no Megan Fox…

2. Pirates of Treasure Island

Lance, No, No. NO! Man, you were my IDOL, I loved everything you were in. What happened?!?! If you need a loan we can work something out….

1.  Sunday School Musical

What’s more lame than singing in the shower about taking a shower? (I got my lather on.. yeah yeah yeah) Singing about God in the shower about taking a shower. While that scene is something that never happened in either production it’s how their world works. Usually these Christian mockbusters are out to give kids a “cleaner alternative”…. um what’s more clean cut than the kids of High School Muscial?

10. David Hampton

His con life was the inspiration for the movie “Six Degrees of Separation”.  David Hampton rose to fame when he claimed to be the son of Sidney Poitier.  As David Poitier many doors opened for him and he made a living off other peoples’ lives.

9. Frank Abagnale

Another inspiration for the film adaptation of his own life was Frank Abagnale. Abagnale passed millions of dollars in not so nice checks and for many years pretended to be a pilot.

His forged Harvard Law degree had him sitting pretty as the Louisiana Attorney General but his resume gets even better when his impersonated a sociology professor and a Pediatrician.  The movie “Catch Me If You Can” is based on his story.

8. Victor Lustig

He could sell ya swamp land in the Sahara, Victor Lustig was an elaborate con artist who made his living off other people stupidity.  His greatest deal was selling a scrap metal dealer the Eiffel Tower!

7. Arthur Furguson

Arthur Furguson has a few up on Lustig. The Scottish con artist sold Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, and even old the White House! It was not until he tried to sell our Lady Liberty when he was caught.

6. Christopher Rocancourt

Selling things one does not own was one of the trademarks of Rockefeller wannabe Christopher Rocancourt.

He sold a home in Paris for near one and a half million dollars after showing a fake deed.  He also spiced up his resume with jobs like having been a one-time boxing champ and movie producer.  His make-believe world got him a playboy model wife as well has hefty fines and prison time.

Here seen on the red carpet with super model Naomi Cambell

5. Gregor MacGregor

A country unto himself, or at least his vivid imagination earned Gregor MacGregor a nice little nest egg.

He convinced many a Brit in the early 1800’s that he discovered a new country called “Poyois” allegedly off the coast of Honduras.  Investors flocked to the area only to discover, water water everywhere.

4. Rob Palatus & Fab Morvan

“Girl You Know It’s True” was one big fat lie. Milli Vanilli or Fab Morvan and Rob Palatus as they are really known scammed the world and the Grammys by pretending to be the singers behind the hit song.

It all hit them in the face when the recording of the song skipped during their “live” performance.

3. Soapy Smith

Soapy Smith cleaned up in the old west as he sold regular soap on street corner. While he talked to the onlookers about all the wonderful qualities of his soap he would wrap money around a few bars then wrap them all in plain paper. He mixed it all up and everyone rushed to find the golden ticket or green back as it were.

2. James Hogue

The cost of a good education is staggering but not for James Hogue. He duped Princeton, not once but twice out of 30,000 dollars in financial aid when he enrolled under different names.

His arrest did not rehabilitate him however, after serving time, he once again claimed to be someone he was not and got a job as a Security Guard at Harvard University campus Museum. There he managed to exchange 50,000 dollars worth of gems for fake ones.

1. Frank Demara

Frank Demara is also known as the “Great Imposter.” He began taking on the identities of his army buddies and work his way through many pseudo careers.

His most famous was as a surgeon on board a Canadian Navy destroyer. As Dr. Joseph Cyr he was “successful” thanks mostly to lots of antibiotics. He died in 1982 as a Baptist Minister… we think.

PR: wait… I: wait… L: wait… LD: wait… I: wait… wait… Rank: wait… Traffic: wait… Price: wait… C: wait…

10. Cop Car Caper

Word to criminals. The cars with the pretty lights on top are police cars. A Pennsylvania perp could have done with that information when he was caught stealing from a police car. If the bubble lights were not enough clue he should have caught on that something was up because the cop car was parked outside a Police Convention.

9. Medicinal My Ass

There is a time to call police to report a crime, and there  is a time to maybe think twice. A 54- year old woman in Saginaw County Michigan found this out when she called police to report a burglary at her home. Seems the thieves got away with all of her pot plants. Manufacturing Marijuana was high on the list of charges she is facing.

8. A Bad Nose Job

In South Carolina a man walked into a police station demanding the officers find and arrest the person who had sold him the “substandard” cocaine he purchase. I am not snowing you!

7. Rubber Ducking

Plea bargaining can be a good thing but when a convicted robber in Texas offered to pay $9,600  in damages in lieu of time served, it might have gone a little better if he had not forged the check. They bounced that guy straight to jail.

6. HUH?

A couple of Saxony felons may want to consider stealing a GPS the next time they go on a robbery spree. The thieves stopped on a highway to ask police for directions. The federal police officer became suspicious when he saw the car full of stolen goods.

5. Leave a Note Next Time

Sometimes those darn cash machines just won’t open but a pair of brilliant thieves in Kentucky knew just what to do. They tied a chain to the ATM then to the bumper of their car. The Machine stayed and so did the bumper. The geniuses drove off scared leaving, bumper and license plate securely attached to the machine.

4.Left A Note

Demetrius Robinson decided to rob a convenience store, but while waiting for customers to leave, he filled out a job application, leaving his real name and uncles telephone number at the scene. It’s unclear how the job interview went.

3.McStupid

Latreasa Goodman was not happy with her local McDonalds when they were out of her  favorite Chicken Nuggets.  She was so upset she called 911, not once but three times to report the alleged “Mc”crime. It was Goodman who was arrested however on charges of misusing emergency service.

2. A Surprise Party

Dalia Dippolito wasn’t happy in her marriage so decided to have her husband killed. She  arranged the murder with a man she thought was a hit man, only he was a cop. Police later turned the tables telling her husband her husband was killed. The crocodiles tears turned to surprise at the police station when cops opened the door, revealing her “dead” husband.

1. A Close Call

Charles Ray Fuller tried to cash a stolen check. No big deal, you say. Well thank goodness bank officials were on their toes, the check was written for 360 Billion Dollars. Would like that in large or small bills?