Top 10: Douchiest Looking Douchebags

It’s one thing to have a photo not catch you at your best, it’s another when the photo that does catch you is your best and you’re still a douchbag. Some of these guys are big boys, so I don’t know if I could take ‘em one-on-one; but that’s why I have friends….

10. You Spin Me Right Round Baby..

This guy… where do we start? Okay, he shops at JCP’s which we all know is the “badboy” shop. He looks like he’s selling sex, to which gender it is unknown… and are those women’s clothing in the background?

9. Chicken-Man

Cruisin’ the streets and keeping Douchebagvillefieldton safe from normal people, Chicken-Man in his Bucketmobile is out on patrol. I’m willing to be $100 this idiot borrowed the car from his parents. HEY! Isn’t this the same guy as before? Maybe. All douchebags look pretty much alike to me…

8. Photographic Evidence…

.. that even if you do wear Elvis sunglasses and look like a huge weird assed Vegas poster, for $1,000 a night you can STILL hire an escort.

7. Couples-Bag

Here is a picture of two couples. The question is: are they two gay couples or is there just a developing bromance going on here? My vote says it doesn’t matter; DOUCHEBAGS!

6. The Hebrew Hammer Wannabe!

Dude, you totally are so not cool! Okay first off there’s the ‘Welcome Back Cotter” hair. The openshirt and probably didn’t-have-to-shave chest, and the “come hither” eyes that beckon to pedophiles the world over. In the background left is his 5th grade picture, framed by grandma and put on the wall making a perfect “Before Douchebag/After Douchebag” example.

5. Snap Into A Slim Jim

Does it matter that this guy is muscled up when he only weighs 76 lbs? Probably not. It is the height of douchebaggery to not realize you’re still a weanie no matter how many reps you do. Someone get me some sand to kick in the asshole’s face….

4. Redneck Douche

This guy is obviously hammered. Perhaps he took a day off from picking up roadkill to spend it by the bay with a couple of obviously drunk models with Daddy issues? Or maybe this is just an attempt by a Vodka company to lead douches everywhere to believe that with a couple of hundred dollars and the right beverage, you too can get strippers.

3. Mr. Deeds

I KNOW I made one vague “Mr. Deeds” reference earlier and to Mr. Sandler I apologize. But even Adam Sandler has to admit that the guy in the middle of this picture just screams “I like Feet…I dunno why, but I like them.” Am I right?

2. Jr. High Douchebags

These guys are the new Flock of Seagulls- no doubt about it. Either this was taken in Europe or the bouncer at this club liked little boys. Okay, fellas? If a GIRL teases her hair and puts on make-up to look older for the club it has a chance of success. When a guy does it he’s a douchebag. (Is that guy on the left grabbing his junk?)

1. Scarey

“Ja, dos ist mein bay-bee in hera belly. Ja, she hast taken mein seed into her. Ja!” Still that is one huge assed, steriod driven bag of homo-erotic denial right there. Nice Van Damm sweater…. jerk.

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